Humans are a social species. As such, the lure to scroll social media, to see what others are doing, and consider whether we are okay in comparison, is normal. So too is comparing ourselves to our colleagues, our siblings, and those around us. Perhaps, instead, you have been comparing yourself to someone society deems accomplished: the overnight sensation, the wunderkind, the million-dollar best seller? This is not entirely a bad thing, especially if we come up trumps; but, more often than not, these comparisons lead us to question our reality in a negative light. Why is it others have all the luck? Why not me? Why is life so unfair?
Many of us have heard that ‘comparison is the thief of joy’. Feeling that we are somehow lacking, or not as good as another; feeling jealous; lamenting why someone else has it easier; or wondering why so-and-so is more popular or favoured, are all musings detrimental to our wellbeing. Fact of the matter, we all have our insecurities, our bad days, our areas needing growth, and things we don’t like about ourselves. Even the individuals whose social media accounts are filled with flawless images of themselves looking happy and carefree. That Warrior-Womxn, the one who seems to breeze through life managing work plus family, whilst staying in shape, doing volunteer work, attending parent-teacher meetings, chaperoning after-school activities, and then somehow writing and publishing a book, is likely underperforming somewhere. At some level, we know this. We know that no one is perfect, but the notion gets temporarily lost.
The next time you find yourself caught in the game of comparison, I want you to consider the perfectly poised ballerina. We see on stage the grace, the beauty, the lithe bodies, the flawless execution. What we don’t see are the grueling hours of practice, the injuries, the discipline, the dedication, and the ofttimes, traditional starvation. Moreover, we don’t see the damage to their feet from dancing on pointe. The blisters, the ingrown toenails, the bunions, and stress fractures – they are all there, just carefully hidden. Success is not without its sacrifices. When we say ‘yes’ to one thing, we are simultaneously saying ‘no’ to another. A ‘yes’ to the morning sleep-ins is a ‘no’ to the early work-outs. A ‘no’ to putting in extra hours at the office is a ‘yes’ to more time with family.
Rather than focus on our deficiencies, we need to be grateful for what we have. Reading this right now means you are blessed with literacy skills, something which many lack. Moreover, we need to determine what ‘success’ really means to us as individuals. Do not be fooled by what society presents as ideal. Multiple studies show that having more money, or more possessions, does not make us happier. If ‘more’ meant ‘happier’, the tabloids would fail to sell. The rich and famous are certainly not going into rehab because they lack material wealth. Really consider what it is you want to say ‘yes’ to, and what can realistically be given a ‘no’. Playing the unhealthy game of comparison is definitely the latter.
Striving to be more, and having ambition, is certainly not bad. We just need to ensure that our energy is put into pursuits that are good for us, not in chasing an unrealistic façade. Moreover, the energy spent comparing oneself is better placed in focusing on your goals!
The Warrior-Womxn's Guild 