In the first lesson, we discussed the dichotomy of living – either above the blade, or below. Those individuals living above the blade are: curious, open to learning, future focused, proactive, and most importantly, recognise they are in control of their lives. Those below the blade are: defensive, reactive, stuck on being right and looking good, and sadly, blame anything and everything outside themselves for their circumstances. We also discussed that it is natural for us to be below the blade most of the time due to our natural inclination to protect the ego.
So, I hear you say, if it is natural, why is it such a problem? What is so bad about sticking to your guns, wanting to look good, and being defensive instead of curious?
Well, when we are above the blade, when we are curious, we hear greater and more diverse opinions. We tend to be solutions focused, rather than seek to assign blame; and we make things happen, rather than wait for them to happen to us.
There is a very big difference between two people with differing views arguing that they are right, and looking to assign blame for a situation, versus two people discussing solutions to a problem, without assigning blame, taking accountability, being curious as to the causes, and genuinely being open minded to learning.
One way to determine where you currently stand – either above or below – is to pay attention to your use of language.
When we are below the blade, we tend to lay blame (not my fault, it was the cat / my kids / the bus / my boss); and we use negative language (I can’t, it’s too hard, they are making me, this sucks). Gossiping and bitching are also indications we are below the blade. They are means by which we assert we are right. We never gossip about good stuff people have done, there is always a negative connotation. By pointing out the deficiencies of another, it is reinforcing how we are better – or more right (typically morally) – than they are. Sometimes below the blade behaviour manifests as the inability to make a decision. We become afraid to decide lest we make a mistake and look bad in the eyes of others.
To shift to being above the blade, we need to learn to be conscious. Conscious of where our thinking is at, and listening to the language we use. Pause every now and then and ask yourself: am I thinking and behaving below the blade? Am I being negative, defensive, or assigning blame?
The next step is to try to reframe negative statements into positive questions. The language we use is powerful – it can either disempower or empower us. Even slight changes to our choice of words can make us more powerful. For instance: ‘I can’t’, versus ‘I choose not to’, versus asking ‘what parts can I do?’. Here are some other examples of how negative statements can be turned into positive questions:
| This is too hard! | What would make it easy? |
| It can’t be done! | What would make it possible? |
| He doesn’t understand! | How can we help him understand? |
| This sucks! | What can you do to make it better? |
homework:
Warriors, pay heed to your language. If you hear a negative statement, reframe it into a positive question. Start to pause and reflect throughout the day to determine where you are sitting in relation to the blade. We would love to hear how you go!
NOTE:
‘Above the blade, below the blade’, is a renaming of the very popular coaching tool ‘above the line, below the line’ (ATL/BTL). We turned the line into a blade to stick with our warrior vibe. The original developer of this tool is unknown; however, almost all coaches are familiar with it. If you would like to know more, there is a plethora of articles available online, and The Guild encourages you to check them out.
The Warrior-Womxn's Guild 