Henry David Thoreau once said, ‘life isn’t about finding yourself, it’s about creating yourself’. In life, you get to pick who you want to be. You aren’t born with an attitude, opinion, beliefs, or likes and dislikes. These are things you create as life progresses, and therefore, you can change them. You can create a positive attitude, you can change your opinion, and you can choose what role you play in the game of life.
Look at it this way: you are already telling yourself a story about who you are. If you believe yourself to be of certain character or calibre, you may have a lot of thoughts regarding where you shop, dine, and hang out. If you consider yourself to be a classy, distinguished individual, with great taste and standards, then you are likely to have disparaging thoughts about a first date who takes you to McDonalds. If on the other hand, you are frugal by nature, you likely have no qualms about browsing second-hand stores or eating leftovers. Why spend $200 on a dress, when a perfectly good one can be bought for $20? Even better if that $20 spent goes towards efforts to support the disadvantaged.
Many of us tend to think in relation to the story of who we think we are. Quite often this story has been adopted by what others have told us to believe about ourselves. Are you really ‘too shy to speak up’, or have you just associated your introverted nature with being shy and lacking courage? Are you really a ‘bitch’, or are you just assertive? Do you really like soccer, or is the interest due to that person you fancy? Us humans are complex beings. None of us can be 100% a single ‘thing’. Nor are we just our job titles or our family names. You are not ‘just a waitress’ or ‘a lawyer’, or so-and-so’s partner. You are so much more. Do not limit your growth because you feel compelled to continue playing the role you have already taken on.
Change is necessary, and we should embrace the learning it brings. Are you the same person you were 10 years ago? I should hope not, and I should hope that you are a better person, not a bitter person for it. We will all continue to change. Ten years from now we will be different again, but rather than allow the change to ‘just happen’, we should take control of the change. Each of us should actively seek out opportunities to grow and to learn. We should be building own pathways and exploring new knowledge. Never should we label ourselves as a single thing and then stick to it indefinitely. Especially if it is to spite or impress another. If you believe yourself to always be as you currently are, you also run the risk of investing too much time and money into a ‘future you’ that simply won’t exist. For instance, focusing on a sole hobby, or adopting a lifestyle that will no longer serve you 20 years down the track. How often do we hear of athletes whose entire lives are invested in winning a medal at the Olympics, yet they then have a tragic accident that leaves them unable to compete anymore? Their identity is completely shattered. They were an ‘athlete’. They had labelled themselves as such, and saw themselves remaining as such for the rest of time. They had invested all their ‘self’ into winning that medal, of having that image, but then needed to change.
As individuals, we should not see ourselves as being solely one thing, one role, one job title. Nor should we believe that is who we are meant to be for the remainder of our lives. We can change. We can start telling ourselves new stories about who we are and where we want to go. We can pick better stories for ourselves.
The Warrior-Womxn's Guild 